A Nameless Pain

Today, like a skilled contortionist my mind escaped the prison of smutty windows on the D14. Mother natures morning yawn above the horizon shone warm and objectively without prejudice across the cold gray Capital skyline. The sharp reflection of her frozen tear drops lying delicately on each blade of grass didn't seem to phase me, nor the loud shuffle of leather work bags, or the incessant whisper of the poly blend work suits in chorus with the staccato conversation surrounding me.

The bus halted in it's usual fashion at the intersection of 7th & Independence Avenue and I exited no longer captive by the encased humming machine, but now by the blistering winds of early December. I began to walk down the pebbled street of Independence Avenue and was violently torn away from my thoughts by a nameless pain. Each bold step created a violent home much like my own in the arch of my sockless feet and nestled within the hinge of my knees. My hard, swift, and calculated stride somehow had matched the trembling thoughts going on in my head. I quickly turned down 12th st and my mood followed its cadence into the cold clutch of the morning.

I looked up and noticed the clouds and I wanted so desperately for one to stand still, to freeze and give me a gentle confirmation of some sort. My mind continued to drift as I made my way, and I wrestled with the wind and knowing the string that was once tied to my cumulus cloud had been severed. I floated freely just as the cotton cousins of the sky. I was no longer a counted for or wanted in the matrix of affection. I wanted and needed to be anchored. I needed to be held into place no matter my substance. I knew in my heart I would soon be a gypsy again. I was now alone in the city and running away from solitude.

Almost suddenly after concealing this odd thought in the back of my mind a cold loneliness crept up from my feet and I felt that once nameless pain had made itself comfortable somewhere far more familiar than my knees, but manifested itself in my heart. I continued down the sidewalk and down the dark corridor of my mind. The deeper the fall, the deeper the thought, the harder the stride, the emptier I became. I walked amongst the crowd in a fit of internal conflict completely empty as I pulled the brass doors of my building and somehow mustered the strength to murmur a generic Good Morning to the gentleman passing.